Month: February 2023

This one’s about someone I know well — two people, actually. And then “Eben” is Eben Alexander, a guy who had a near-death experience. Message or text me if you have any questions!

JOHANNA
< our heroine, sitting on a park bench on a cool drab day, is approached by a stranger, who says >
Good day miss and have you ever noticed?

I’m sorry but not’ced what I said

No noticed … just really noticed
Freed from the rage rage in your head
Here listen to my good friend Eben
From the journey he took there and back
And he’ll tell you that even on best days
At most it can see just a crack

So I guess then no, prob’ly haven’t
With even best days a lott’ry pick
So why are you asking you rubbing it in?
I wouldn’t have placed you a dick

< fit of laughter ensues >

Hang on sorry umm please give me a sec
I just gotta catch up my breath
Hope you don’t mind my laughter
But that’s just funny
Like mistaking bright life for death
OK so alright no it’s not a jab
I just thought you might want a teacher
There’s a way to get tastes of the unbrained life
While you’re still a decaying creature
(You might say it’s an optional feature)

Oh sorry sir yes I do want a teacher
And I so so want tastes of that life
My gray matter’s determined to cut funky grooves

OK great will you please be my wife?

Umm
Whoa
Uh that escalated quickly
Didn’t we just the two of us meet

Johanna come on can’t you feel your heart burn
I’m the one who keeps washing your feet

Wait you’re him you’re the one
The one in my dreams
I’ve been crushing on since I could see?

The only the same
Love’ll bypass your brain
I can show you your identity
You can notice all true right through me
The crystal calm mind past gray sea
The fearless made so fearfully
Johanna just breathe and let be

A theme of my life lately has been the whole Jesus-paradox life and death thing. There’s at least one form of this statement in each of the four gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John); here it is in John:

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. The one who loves his life loses it, and one who hates one’s life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves me, he or she must follow me… (John 12:24-26a)

I think I’m supposed to take a next step into this actual truth. Not just a poetic Bible passage.

I like this one.

I think about the nature of living: what it’s like, and what it is supposed to be like. I have (pretty much for my entire Jesus-following life) such a strong desire to be perfect. I read the absolute calls of God in the Bible, the calls to total surrender, walking in the Spirit, experiencing power and joy and peace and such, and I want it. Ultimately I want it because it is good and makes God look good and I love him and as his child I truly do long for his “name to be hallowed”; but right along with that I want it because when I don’t walk in a sense of absolute surrender and flow and perfect Jesus-performance (haha, what a phrase) it makes me uneasy. Very uneasy. I am so uncomfortable with messiness in my own life. (Yes, I am an Enneagram One. Yes, there is a reason why all of 2021 and half of 2022 was filled with God teaching me to be OK with being a human being. Yes, the allure of trying to be and feel perfect is a perpetually tempting snare. Yes, I am laughing right now.)

Anyway, here’s a fun, somewhat whimsical poem about one of the many aspects of that. Informed by Psalm 23 and the whole theme of being sheep. And it sounds like I’m teaching this … but I was basically writing it to myself.

GREEN PASTURES
God’s not a god of confusion
But don’t overextrapolate that
If we’re always sheep
At the same time we’re sons
Confusion is just where we’re at

Not pumped about being dumb livestock?
Sure it grates against adamic pride
But David showed true
The king’s a sheep too
It’s the gateway to enjoy the ride

I can’t get this all tied up for ya
There’s a tension in what I now say
But at least hear the shout
Do not “figure it out”
That’s a long stride into the flesh way

So give up the drive for mind-wrapping
Left-brained horizon’s full view
When sheep walk at night
A lantern’s their light
But trust hears “Fear not, I’m with you”