I think about the nature of living: what it’s like, and what it is supposed to be like. I have (pretty much for my entire Jesus-following life) such a strong desire to be perfect. I read the absolute calls of God in the Bible, the calls to total surrender, walking in the Spirit, experiencing power and joy and peace and such, and I want it. Ultimately I want it because it is good and makes God look good and I love him and as his child I truly do long for his “name to be hallowed”; but right along with that I want it because when I don’t walk in a sense of absolute surrender and flow and perfect Jesus-performance (haha, what a phrase) it makes me uneasy. Very uneasy. I am so uncomfortable with messiness in my own life. (Yes, I am an Enneagram One. Yes, there is a reason why all of 2021 and half of 2022 was filled with God teaching me to be OK with being a human being. Yes, the allure of trying to be and feel perfect is a perpetually tempting snare. Yes, I am laughing right now.)
Anyway, here’s a fun, somewhat whimsical poem about one of the many aspects of that. Informed by Psalm 23 and the whole theme of being sheep. And it sounds like I’m teaching this … but I was basically writing it to myself.
GREEN PASTURES
God’s not a god of confusion
But don’t overextrapolate that
If we’re always sheep
At the same time we’re sons
Confusion is just where we’re at
Not pumped about being dumb livestock?
Sure it grates against adamic pride
But David showed true
The king’s a sheep too
It’s the gateway to enjoy the ride
I can’t get this all tied up for ya
There’s a tension in what I now say
But at least hear the shout
Do not “figure it out”
That’s a long stride into the flesh way
So give up the drive for mind-wrapping
Left-brained horizon’s full view
When sheep walk at night
A lantern’s their light
But trust hears “Fear not, I’m with you”