Kate Spade took her life on June 5, 2018 — Jeanette’s and my 25th wedding anniversary. Hearing that news made me sad … and inspired this poem. (I chose this one as my selection to share in my small group at the Songwriters’ Workshop put on by Sara Groves in August 2019, which was a vulnerable and fun experience. They were kind and complimentary, and the group leader suggested a change that I’ve integrated — and I think made the poem better. Thanks Michael.)
The quote near the end is from a scene in a C. S. Lewis book that I find particularly poignant. Recognize it? Comment or email me if you’re curious about it.
KATE AND I
Aching
So much pain
Spade separated from heart
Spade separated from life
The ruined soul
All around me
And I know it too
The lemming flow
The groaning
The unbearable burden of creativity
when it’s not tethered to the Creator
life must have a source
were Adam and Eve artists?
of course
Oh they hid
Oh we hide
I want to stop hiding
These sins are unwelcome flatmates
Who keep brandishing a rental contract
three and four generations
Can I tear it up?
Oh light of the world
Oh gentle sweet breeze
I want out of this contract
Will you pay the termination fee
it is unaffordable
Please draw these blinds
they’re made of lead
Please lift the sash
it’s swollen stuck
Musty and coughing room
“Oh don’t don’t let me go back into it
Don’t, don’t”
I’m down to my last card
It sure ain’t a diamond
All I deserve is a club
But for your Name’s sake let it be a heart
My heart
Guard it
Surpass mind
Thank you …
Oh thank you