What is death to self (Luke 9:23-26, e.g.)? Who does the killing, and how? Is it the same for everyone or does it differ depending on the particular way self\/sin has its stranglehold? I had this original idea back in February, found it in my journal months later, and decided to actually write it. I find it (the poem, the idea, and the way it has played out in my life) intriguing. See what you think.
(I will say that its picture, as you can guess from the title, is a sober one, and even a little graphic in one place. It might be triggering if you have the trauma of this issue (or maybe even any gunshot death) in your history. Read at your own discretion.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
LIFE BY SUICIDE<\/strong>
I unlock the case
And open the lid
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 on gleaming black death
Today is the day
I\u2019m finally gonna do it
I\u2019m gonna end this ache
\u00a0
How many times I\u2019ve opened this case
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 gazed
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 dreamed
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 pulled it out
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and fired
\u00a0
But just as I\u2019m about ready to hand the money to the piper
I renege
I flinch
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 shattering windows
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 scattering people
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 sitting my neighbors bolt upright
in their beds
Until temple bloodied and ears ringing
Sulfur smell choking the air
I slink back
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and put back
Case closed
\u00a0
That\u2019s the way it\u2019s been
But today will be different
Today.
Will.
Be.
Different.
\u00a0
~~~
\u00a0
No it won\u2019t
No I won\u2019t
I can\u2019t
I won\u2019t
\u00a0
And then there he is
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 at my elbow
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 proffered hand
Why\u2019s he<\/span> here?
I<\/span> have to do this
\u00a0
But the hand remains
The eyes steeler than the gun
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 than the grave
The curious whisper of a smile playing around his lips
And that\u2019s actually what swings me
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 to loosen my grip
\u00a0
Fine
Take the damned thing
It\u2019s all yours
\u00a0
Now this is the part I can\u2019t believe
So sudden it feels like a dream
He pulls me close
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 cheek to cheek
And the gun\u2019s at his temple
And his head\u2019s exploding
A spray of blood and brains and bone
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 earthy and sweet
Before it takes me too
To darkness
\u00a0
~~~
\u00a0
Darkness
And \u2026 Light?
Yes
Morning light
But the ache is gone
And the head\u2019s intact
And I see the case is on the table
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 with a new lock
And his hand\u2019s still proffered
And the grin\u2019s way past hint
And his eyes are molten kind
And he says
Like he\u2019s been waiting to say it
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 all my life
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (his life?)
Come have breakfast<\/pre>\n\n\n\n“Death to self is the condition where the fact that I do not get what I want does not surprise or offend me and has no control over me.” (Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart<\/em>, from memory so it may not be exact haha)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
What is death to self (Luke 9:23-26, e.g.)? Who does the killing, and how? Is it the same for everyone or does it differ depending on the particular way self\/sin has its stranglehold? I had this original idea back in February, found it in my journal months later, and decided to actually write it. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-89","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=89"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":442,"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89\/revisions\/442"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=89"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=89"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnwilliamschwartz.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=89"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}